Successful Marriages Essays - Philosophy Of Love, Family, Marriage

Successful Marriages Successful Marriages For any marriage to be successful there are certain changes a man and woman have to make. They have to be flexible and open and ready for new experiences and ways of living. Marriages can be successful or unsuccessful based on many different aspects of it. Four important concepts that are definitely part of the whole marriage life are: children, conflict resolution, outside influences, and communication. Children may be the biggest change to a married couple. From going from just the two people, doing whatever they want, whenever they want, to staying home and taking on the responsibilities of taking care of children is a big step. Gone is the freedom of leaving at the spur of the moment to catch that new movie that just came out, eating what they want, when they want, buying whatever they want, and sleeping in until noon. The average number of children for parents completing my survey was two. Everyone knows that raising children is very stressful, but because of the different ages of the parents, and the children, I could not get facts on which years were the toughest. Most parents whose kids are well into their 20's or so, say that the most stressful years for them were the teenage years. Children that are toddlers are said to be less stressful then when they were infants. It varies for everyone, and from my surveys I got no facts, just opinions. Children are a big responsibility and cause a lot of stress for parents. Out of 30 people, 96% say that their children have been a cause for an argument at least one time throughout their marriage. This could occur for many reasons; one being that it is very expensive to raise children and parents would have to agree on what is necessary for their children to have or things that are just nice to have. They must agree to what their priorities are and each pa rtner would have to adjust. Also parents might feel differently about ways of disciplining their children, which usually causes them to argue. Every couple has their own ways of resolving their problems throughout their marriage. Constant conflict can destroy a marriage. Learning how to deal with the conflict to achieve a win/win situation for both partners is very important. When couples disagree, the 30 people that I surveyed said that the woman gives in 65% of the time. A reason for this could be that women were taught to be passive and let things go a lot easier than men. They do not want provoke their partner and then start another argument. They think it is easiest to just give in even if they know they are right. Sometimes the only reason the women gives in is that she is just too tired from working, taking care of the children and the house and feels it would be easier to give in and let it go. This is only a short-term solution. Men on the other hand have to keep their stand and be the king. They cannot give in; it would ruin their status. They have to prove they can not be stood up to. When a married couple are in an argument, 78% say they talk it out after calming down. It usually does not solve anything when couples fight because each person does not listen to the other person's perspective. They are yelling at each other so they each think they are right and become stubborn. By talking it out, you can hear both sides of the story and come up with a compromise. Couples fight for many different reasons, but from my surveys I found the main reason for fighting was children. 60% say they argue about their children. 46% say they argue about chores. 43% say they argue about money. And lastly, 23% say they argue about work. These problems may interconnect with each other. For example, most people are very stressed at work, especially during these times when most companies are decreasing their staff and those th at remain are taking on additional responsibilities. After a hard day at work they come home and half to start all over by picking the kid up